So I've been meaning to post this for a while now. Time escapes me so easily these days, plus I've slowly been working on this looong post for weeks.
Little boy is 6 months old TODAY so it's about time I get his birth story up! I figured I need to actually get this written down so I don't forget all the details (there are a lot of them, as you can see), so here it is...how the little guy arrived & rocked our world...
2:30 AM Wednesday, December 8th, 2010 (42 Weeks Pregnant...2 whole weeks overdue)
I wake up in the middle of a contraction. I had been in
active labor (dilated 4 cm.) for just about 12 hours (after my last midwife appointment the previous afternoon), but since the contractions weren't consistent or very painful so Matthew & I had gone to bed thinking we'd awaken to the sound of our alarm reminding us to call the hospital to double check on our 7:00 AM induction appointment. Right before we fell asleep we prayed that the baby would come on his/her own since we really wanted a
Bradley Method Birth and we knew that an induction would be really challenging to go through without medication.
These contractions were different than my
Braxton Hicks Contractions that I had been having off and on for the previous 4 months & more painful & purposeful than the contractions I had had starting the previous afternoon. I clicked on my
Contraction App on my iPhone & tried not to get too excited to practice my relaxation techniques we learned in our classes. Minutes pass & as I'm timing the contractions on my phone, I realize that I've just had 3 contractions in the past 10 min. that are each lasting 30-60 seconds long. Of course, all the stories from my fast-labor friends about barely making it the hospital in time come rushing through my brain & I start thinking that the 45 min. drive to the hospital seems waaay too long. I wait another 15 min. before I wake Matthew up just to make sure the pace of the contractions keep up...they do. I start getting a little wary since some of the contractions are as close as 2 & 1/2 min. apart so I wake up Matthew & phone the midwife on call at around 3:00 AM. Since I've only noticed this pattern for 30 min. & they like you to have the pattern be for at least an hour, the midwife says to keep timing them & keep her updated. We get excited that this is probably it & bonus, our favorite midwife is at the hospital today! My contractions aren't too painful so I tell Matthew it's okay to go back to sleep to get some rest since we know he'll need it to coach me throughout the day. I relax for another half hour & rest & then decide the last thing I want to happen is for these contractions to taper off so I decide to get some exercise & tidy up the house. Aslan follows me around while I sweep our whole first floor and basement pausing to rest & breathe through each contraction every few minutes over the next hour. My contractions are still pacing at the same rate & are starting to get slightly more intense so I head back upstairs & lie down to relax through them. I cat nap between the next 1.5 hours of contractions until our alarm goes off at 6:00 AM. We call the hospital to give them an update. At this point, my contractions are lasting for around 1 min. long & have been 3-5 min. apart for over 3 & 1/2 hours so we pack up the few things that need to be thrown in our hospital bags (said bags have now been sitting in the trunk of Matthew's car for over 1 month). I'm having a lot of back labor, so Matthew now massages my lower back with each contraction to ease the pressure.
We hit traffic (go figure on Rt. 270 in the morning) so it takes us around an hour to get there. The car ride is uncomfortable with my contractions so we're relieved to finally get there. As we pull up on the hospital grounds, it gets pretty surreal as we think about what I wrote about in
this post.
We arrive into the waiting room absolutely beaming as we wait to get taken back. There are 3 other couples waiting, none in active labor like myself, along with a few other people (probably family members of those in Labor & Delivery). As we wait, I get a few contractions that I need to kneel down to rest over the coffee tables for, while Matthew rubs my lower spine. We get taken back to our room & I'm checked around 7:30 AM. We're ecstatic to learn that I'm 5 cm...halfway there!
Only about 18 hours before (at our last midwife appointment) I was 3 cm. & finally felt comfortable enough to have my
membranes stripped, which put me at 4 cm. when we left the midwives. So we were super excited to know that though it took 18 hours, I had dilated another cm. to reach 5 cm.! We met our awesome nurse (who had 2 Bradley Births herself) who was just as sweet & excited that we're going natural as our midwife was. Hospital policy is that the baby's heart rate needs to be monitored by an
external electronic fetal heart rate monitor while I lie down for the first 30 min. & if all is well after this period, I can walk around, get in the tub, etc. afterwards. During these 30 minutes the baby's heart rate is looking great & since I'm 5 cm. & have been almost completely
effaced for the past few days, no induction drugs are ordered (which was a huge answer to prayer)!
After lying down to be monitored, we find that standing up with me leaning against the wall & Matthew's hand on my lower spine feels the most comfortable, so we walk the horseshoe shaped halls of Shady Grove's L & D Floor, stopping during every contraction to breathe through them in that position. Every once in a while, our midwife & nurse check on us while we stop back in the room to grab sips of water, gatorade, or chew on some of our labor snacks we brought.
We called our parents on the way in to the hospital to let them know the latest so our phones start buzzing as word spreads to our other family members & friends. Matthew is pretty good about checking his phone, but I start to ignore mine since my contractions are getting more intense.
Let me just say that for EVERY SINGLE contraction that I have at the hospital Matthew's steady hand is glued to my lower spine massaging it. He was an amazing coach throughout the entire labor...there is no way I would have made it as long as I did without him...he's pretty much the best :)
A few hours in at the hospital we're continuing our walking & occasionally stopping in the room so our nurse can listen to the baby's heart rate on the
fetoscope. Things are going really well & as we're talking with our nurse I suddenly find myself sprinting to the trash can just in time to puke. I'm so thankful it's close by since I really didn't want to have to make someone clean up that grossness from off the floor. My teeth occasionally chatter & I'm thinking I could be entering into
transition so I ask to be checked again. Getting checked often can increase chances of infection so we only asked the midwife to check me every few hours. At this check, I'm 7 cm. & in transition, so we're pretty sure that today is the day :) Since I'm progressing & wanting to take a break from walking, our midwife gets the tub in our room ready. The tub feels AWESOME so I spend a few hours in there with the jets & Matthew's hand on my back. He's a real trooper, grabbing the trash can for me when I need to throw up & giving me sips of my water when I need it. I try to eat some saltines & bites of the energy bars we packed to keep my energy up, but I seem to puke up everything I take in so I have to take it slow.
The hours are stretching into early afternoon (it's now around 3:00 PM) & I finally get to 8 cm. At this point, it has taken me a full 24 hours to dilate these last 4 cm...whew! Since my water hasn't broken yet, but we're wanting to speed things along (since I've now been in active labor [dilated at at least 4 cm.] for 24 hours), we discuss having our midwife break my water. This can help speed labor along, but can also cause contractions to be more painful, so we weigh our options & decide to go ahead with the procedure. Hardly anything happens so our midwife checks me again right away to make sure she broke it. Apparently most of my amniotic fluid is above the baby meaning that breaking my water really doesn't do much to speed the baby along since there's not much of a pressure change :( My contractions start to get more intense so Matthew & I walk around the halls again.
At this point, all 4 of our parents & their spouses are at the hospital anxiously texting Matthew for the latest. The hours are stretching along into the evening & we're starting to wonder how long this will take. At 6:00 PM, our midwife checks me again & I'm 9.5 cm....wooowhooo! I head back into the tub (secretly thinking that I'll get to the point where I can't get out & maybe I can have a water birth :) My contractions are occasionally double peaking so I'm having to softly hum my way through some of them. I'm also reciting
Philippians 4:13 in my head through the bad ones. It's inching towards the 7:00 PM shift change so I get out of the tub & walk around the room hoping that I get the urge to push soon so our favorite midwife can be there for the end of my labor before she goes off shift. Unfortunately the time comes for our midwife & nurse to go, but our nurse sweetly says that this baby needs to come soon since she already wrote down his/her b-day to be today. Though we're frustrated that we've now been at the hospital for 12 hours (& in active labor with hardly any food for 27 hours), we get inspired by looking at the bassinet & other items prepared for the baby that are now in our room.
We meet our new nurse & say hi to the midwife (not our favorite, but very kind). This midwife doesn't prefer the fetoscope & since I've been in transition for a few hours now, she would like me to be occasionally monitored with the electronic external monitor. This would not be a problem except that I have to lie down for this & this position causes me the most pain during contractions. I grin & bear it & am thankful to be able to bounce on our stability ball that we brought for a bit since that feels slightly better.
Hours pass & our resolve is starting to wear. All we had to eat during the whole day is a few snacks & we're exhausted. Matthew's mom thankfully goes to Panera Bread & gets Matthew some dinner that he's able to munch on between my contractions. I'm still occasionally yakking, so I pass on having any.
It's now 11:00 PM & I'm feeling like something has to be happening so I ask to be checked again. After 5 hours, I AM
STILL AT 9.5 CM.! We had read in our classes about
Natural Alignment Plateau, but we had never heard of it happening only 1/2 a cm. away from being completely dilated. Half of 1 cm., people! I mean can you even measure that? It's so minute of a measurement! Because of this, our midwife suggested that she try to gently pull that .5 cm. back while I push to see if that would do the trick get me fully dilated & bring the baby down so I can start really pushing. I didn't have the desire to push yet so I was hesitant, but I figured we could try since the baby's oxygen levels were starting to go down...not good. At this point, I was wearing an oxygen mask to try & remedy this. This next step was PAINFUL & I was starting to feel like I was losing control since this maneuvering hurt so much. Matthew helped me hold my legs while I pushed through 3 contractions this way...it was AWFUL & it didn't work to dilate me that last 1/2 cm.
While I'm pushing, our midwife realizes that though the baby's head is down, his/her nose is between my bellybutton & my hip (the baby's nose is supposed to be facing the mother's spine), which was causing all the lower back pain, as well as causing the baby to not be able to descend past
0 station. Because the baby is facing the way he/she is, the baby is not descending like he/she should. At this point, the baby should have turned so that his/her head could put more pressure on that last 1/2 cm. of cervix to push back, therefore allowing me to push with actual results. We now try all sorts of positions to get the baby to turn. I had read in one of my books on midwifery that getting on all fours can get a baby to turn, so we try this for a while, as well as other positions. It appears that nothing is working.
Our midwife suggested giving me the smallest bit of Pitocin to get that 1/2 cm. dilated back since the baby is not turning. She said she could put me on the smallest dose & probably only 30 min. or so of it would do the trick. We did the math thinking, okay, that's probably only like 10 contractions...you can do it, Lyns! So we decided to go with it. Now the thing about Pitocin is that you need an IV, which I really enjoyed not having up to that point since I was free to move around previously. Enter in Matthew's most frustrating part of the whole day. At this point, my contractions were so painful I barely noticed this next bit, but our nurse missed my vein on my hand TWICE & according to hospital policy, had to go get another nurse to stick me. Matthew said this was terrible to watch, especially because my contractions were getting so bad & he was starting to feel pretty helpless watching me be in pain. At this point, I had been having hard contractions every 3 minutes (lasting about 1 min. long each) for
21 hours & in transition for the last 8 of those hours. Third stick with the IV needle was finally the charm. With Pitocin, I could still walk around, but I would have to drag the IV pole & Pitocin drip monitor around with me & that wasn't fun, though it felt better than lying down...so that was life from 11:00-midnight. The Pitocin was not fun, especially because the drugs caused my contractions to be more intense...instead of softly humming through my contractions, I was now having to quietly moan through them.
The supposed 30 minutes of Pitocin turned into 1 hour & I was checked again at midnight. Wouldn't you know it I WAS STILL AT 9.5 CM.!!! At this point, our midwife sat us down & shared her concerns. She knew I had been in active labor for 33 hours and not only were we exhausted, my uterus was, too. She was also concerned because the baby's heart rate was starting to become more irregular. I had been on oxygen for an hour but despite this, the baby's heart rate was getting more irregular instead of climbing back into the normal ranges. Our midwife then looked into Matthew & I's eyes & recommended that I have an epidural. What? Seriously? I was 1/2 a cm. away from pushing & she was a natural-delivery-pushing midwife...why would she recommend that? We had thought it was too late for an epidural. Doesn't the window of time to get an epidural go once you pass 8 cm.? She said that she believed that the epidural would be all I would need to relax my body into dilating that last 1/2 cm. as well as relax the baby enough to turn in a position that was possible for a vaginal delivery. We asked her to leave us alone for a few minutes. We cried & we prayed. We didn't understand why this was happening. We had worked so hard! As Matthew prayed for us, I realized that I was being prideful & there was no shame in the epidural, especially if that meant the baby would finally turn enough to descend & be delivered vaginally. Chances are, once I had the epidural, the baby would relax, too, since his/her heart rate was continuing to decline due to my looong active labor & transition.
The average first time mom is in labor for a total of 12-18 hours (counting from 4 cm. dilated until the baby is actually born)...I had been at at least 4 cm. for 33 hours now. Plus, I had been in early labor for around a week since I had been dilated at 2 cm. from 41 Weeks on. Active labor is supposed to only last for 3-5 hours (mine lasted 24 hours) while transition is supposed to only last only 30 minutes to 2 hours (mine lasted 10 hours). Dr.'s like to see you dilate 1 cm. for every hour that you are in active labor, & knowing most labors don't go this way, from the moment we started thinking about who we would see for prenatal care, Matthew & I felt more comfortable going the midwife route since they are so patient in letting women's bodies do their thing (not pushing inductions or meds on their patients).
At this point, I wouldn't say I gave up, but I did give up my hopes & dreams of having a natural delivery. Matthew & I slowly started to see where things were going. The doctor on call at the midwifery practice had started to come in and out of our room. Our midwife kept coming back & forth from other rooms because "other patients were beginning to push"...we could hear chatter in the halls about the women who had been in the waiting room with us at the beginning of the day delivering hours and hours ago (even with being induced). Something seemed not right & we both felt that the dr.'s presence in and out of our room to check the baby's heart rate on the machine meant we were getting closer & closer to a dreaded c-section.
At 12:30 AM, I leaned over into our nurse's arms while the anesthesiologist gave me the epidural. He tried to lighten the mood asking me how dilated I was. "9.5 cm. for the past 6 hours." I stated flatly. "9.5 cm.!?" he replied back & quickly shuffled out of the room. You're not supposed to be able to even receive an epidural that late into labor, but at this point it was their way of easing us into the slow realization that this probably was not going to end without surgery. The reason we finally felt okay about the epidural is that we could see where things were going & we knew it wouldn't be in my system for that long of a time to effect the baby much (one of our biggest fears with epidurals...the lethargic drug can be present in an infant's system for days after birth). I lost all feeling in my lower part of my body & as our nurse checked with me, she realized I was so numb I couldn't even feel my contractions anymore. While I was pain-free, I hated it...I wasn't in tune with my body, I couldn't feel anything, & I felt like a failure. They left us to rest saying they would stand by the machine to watch the baby's heart rate, but we should try to sleep. Thirty minutes later, they woke me up saying that I had to change positions because the baby's heart rate was getting lower & lower. They helped me get propped up on all fours, then leaning over the back of my elevated bed, then on either side...nothing helped. Our midwife checked me again...I was finally at 10 cm., but the baby was still positioned facing my side & I was still at 0 station (hours away from even being able to push since the baby had not descended). At this point, everything happened pretty fast. Our midwife was very concerned about the baby's heart rate & the dr. joined her. All the positions we tried to level out the baby's heart rate weren't getting him/her to turn like they had anticipated & we were running out of time to have him/her safely delivered. At this point, Matthew & I realized that despite our desires for this baby's birth, his/her safety was our number one priority & the dr. needed to act fast. The anesthesiologist rushed back in to fiddle with my epidural, I was prepped, & quickly rolled down to the OR. We were crushed. Everything was happening so fast that everything that had been outlined on our birth plan just in case a c-section happened seemed to be thrown out the window. Right before the surgery I asked the dr. to please cut & stitch me so I could try a VBAC for future deliveries. "Oh, honey, we always do that," she calmly reassured me. They ushered Matthew in in his scrubs & he held my hand while I felt like my lungs were going to squeeze up my throat.
I closed my eyes & heard..."oh, this baby's a big one." And Matthew's & I's eyes met as they announced, "it's a boy!" All we could do was weep. Our son...we had a son. Seconds later, we heard his cries & I told Matthew it was okay to go see him, I was fine. Hearing his sweet baby cry was so surreal...it was hard to imagine we were finally parents & he was finally here. Matthew walked around the drape & came back a minute later to say that he was so handsome. He rubbed my hand & we cried with joy. They put Abram in his arms & he walked him over to me. I softly whispered to him as Matthew held him by my face...our sweet boy.
I was quickly stitched & cleaned up while Matthew watched the staff monitor Abram. His oxygen levels went back to normal pretty quickly since he was finally out of me. Matthew said while he was watching little boy, he made the mistake of looking back at the operating table, catching a peek of "a ton of blood" & the dr. maneuvering my intestines back in my belly...ummm, gross.
Matthew stayed with Abram while I was rolled to recovery. A few minutes later, the staff brought Abram to me so I could nurse him. He latched like a pro & after some bonding time together Matthew joined Abram in the nursery for his first bath.
The days that followed in the hospital were magical. We were absolutely overjoyed to have our family & friends visit & finally meet our little dude. Some of my fondest memories of that time were the quiet moments with just the three of us...staring at our little boy, watching the snow fall outside our window together, snuggling & bonding.
Though the way he got here was not how we thought he would, we are comforted knowing that he is here & SAFE. It was very mentally challenging for me thinking about the c-section in the weeks following Abram's birth. I cried every single day & still get upset about it every once in a while. We worked so hard & labored so long for things to end the way they did. The biggest mental hurdle for me to get over is the fact that things went so well until we found out why I had stalled out. The fact that Abram never turned correctly in a position for a vaginal delivery combined with his heart rate continually descending while I was stuck at 9.5 cm. for 6 hours was what ultimately had labor end the way it did. Matthew reminds me that we tried everything that our exhaustive research recommended to get that 1/2 cm. pushed back as well as get Abram turned correctly & his heart rate steady. Realizing this, and that things could have ended very badly (due to Abram's declining heart rate) had the dr. not done a c-section (plus the fact that Abram never turned into the right position to be delivered vaginally) has helped a little. It doesn't change the fact that I still feel disappointment for the way things went at the end. But he is here & he is safe...something I will never take for granted.
What is comforting is that I now know that I can get through labor without meds...labor was not even the worst pain I've ever been in, broken bones hurt MUCH worse & with them there is no pause from the pain like there is between contractions while in labor. And Shady Grove preforms
VBACs...so a natural delivery is doable for future Fohner Babies :) Though we'll probably have to space out the next one longer than we'd like (to aide with healing), I am so excited to eventually be pregnant again & get my natural VBAC on...especially since it will lead to another cute newborn like this not-so-little 9 lb. 8 oz. at birth...
