Loss

I've debated posting this.

Written & re-written this post again and again.

We haven't necessarily wanted to share this with the entire anyone-can-find-this-on-google internet.

But,

then I thought about things we have shared before...

here...and here...and here...and here.

And I thought about other things that aren't easily talked about or shared.

And how beneficial it would be for other couples to know that while things like infertility or miscarriage aren't topics that are readily shared, they are hurts that affect more people than most realize.

It's challenging thinking about the fact that we should have had a picture like this taken on Thursday...

...that was Abram at 6 weeks & 1 day.

On Thursday we were supposed to be 6 weeks & 1 day along with this precious little embryo...

On or around Halloween we were supposed to be taking a picture like this...

But on January 25th, a pregnancy began that wouldn't end the way Abram's did.

About two weeks ago, I suddenly didn't feel pregnant anymore

& when we got the phone call that we'd have to try again, we wept.

Though we weren't very far along, we had so many hopes & dreams for this baby...

we had taken the same pictures we took everyday we entered a new week of my pregnancy,

just like we did with Abram...

we had talked about names, mostly boy names because somehow I knew that this baby was a boy,

just like I did with Abram...

I had found a verse in the book of Timothy that for some reason I kept turning to over & over, making me call this little one Timothy before we even had any sort of confirmation that he was a boy,

just like I did with Abram...

we had truly believed this baby would make it through all the odds stacked against him,

just like we did with Abram.

But, for whatever reason, this baby wasn't meant to join our family this side of Heaven.

But,

everyday gets a little easier.

And,

we can try again.

We have another transfer day set...

And another 3 embryos to choose from.

In the meantime,

please know that we decided to share this in the hope that it may encourage others who have experienced similar battles that they are not alone.

And,

as an encouragement to Matthew & I that this little miracle...

once looked like this...

And,

that Lord willing,

our next precious embryo(s) will, too.