Our Day at the Zoo (according to my iPhone)

You Know, Just in Case You Needed a Laugh...

bad lighting iPhone photo fun...narrated by A.B.

Dad, you're weird 

and that makes Mommy & I giggle 

hey...a camera! 

hey...my mommy! 

BAAAHHH!!! (a sound heard a lot lately) 

hey....my mommy! 

hey...a camera! 

give.me.the.camera! 

why can't I have it?

Milk Drunk Baby

With baby boy turning nine months old next week (sigh...can I still call him baby boy?) got me reminiscing about my newborn days with sweet little man...

skin to skin naps on my chest...

sweet snuggles...

that newborn smell...

those newborn noises...

and...

the milk drunk face...

by the way, did you know that there are many types of milk drunk faces?  Here they are...

excuse the photo quality...these were taken with my iPhone  :)

the hours-old-triple-chin drunk

the all-scrunched-up drunk

the wild-abandon drunk

the never-let-go drunk

the catatonic drunk

the I'm-not-done-sucking-but-my-bottom-lip-will-do drunk

the collapse-on-hand drunk

the mid-suck-asleep drunk

the dunk-and-cover drunk

the all-the-milk-goes-to-the-cheeks drunk

the awkward drunk

the drool drunk

the I-give-up drunk

50 seconds in the life of an almost 8 month old...

Here's some recent fun Abram had with his Aunt Shannon...

& a smidgen of how fun life is with an almost 8 month old  :)

I just love him to pieces !

A Bit on the Some of the Best Parenting Advice I've Received to Date...

NOTE...another delayed (& heavily re-edited) post (I started this in June...whew!), similar to the cloth diaper post & the birth story post...it takes me a lot longer to put my thoughts together now (mommy brain ;)

By NO MEANS does having a baby almost 8 months ago make me an expert, but since I've learned a ton in the past half 3/4 of a year, I thought I'd share some insight on some of the best parenting advice I've received/learned so far...

the schedule vs. routine debate

Frustrated that Abram was still not napping well, I asked our pediatrician at Abram's 4 month well baby appointment about crying it out.  I told him I had read about it & was considering using the Ferber Method, but leaning more towards Dr. Sears' Method but like all the sleep training methods say, I wanted to ask him about it first to make sure Abram was healthy & old enough to try it.  He sweetly leaned down & gave my little boy a peck on the top of his head & said that "until a baby is 6 months old you should always respond to him or her."  He said that until that point, there is always a reason that a baby cries & thankfully it's only one of a few things (hungry, tired, wet, or just wants to be held).  He stated that at 6 months old, they start to become more social & will cry because they don't want to do what they need to do because they enjoy playing & hanging out with you.  He said only then is it okay to try sleep training.  I must have shot him quite a look because he gave me an understanding smile that read "I've been there...it's no fun, but it passes."

And guess what...IT DID!  And he was right.

Before Abram turned 6 months old (almost to the day), whenever he got upset it was because he needed something...and most of the time, it was cuddles.  Little boy just liked to be held by Matthew or myself a lot.  And you know what, even though there was many a day that I didn't get a lot done, I miss the times that Abram would fall asleep nursing & the only way he would stay asleep is if I kept him in my arms.  Because now, my independent I'll-do-it-myself boy (go figure, look at his mother) RARELY falls asleep on me anymore & doesn't snuggle or cuddle with me much anymore unless he has just woken up  :(  Don't get me wrong, every once in a while he loves to be held (he gives a cute little hoot & reaches up at me...too cute), but most of the time, my little guy wants to play independently.  He LOVES to play on the floor on his back (he never was a fan of tummy time since he learned to roll over...I have no clue when he'll learn to crawl, right now he'd rather roll towards something he wants than attempt to wiggle towards it).

AND he lets me know when he's tired now!  No more watching him like a hawk for sleepy cues.  Myself or another person will be holding him or playing with him or he'll be playing independently & all the sudden there's a little hoot (he does this really cute owl-like sound...adorable) & I'll know it's time for his nap.

Let me backtrack for a second...please understand, I am in no way trying to knock any moms that swear by certain schedules.  If it works for you & your family...it works for you & your family.  Some moms & dads let their babies cry it out...if that works for you & keeps you sane (keeping sane is sooo essential when you're a new daddy or mommy) that's what works for you & I'm not here to criticize.  This is what Matthew & I have found works for us.  I guess you can say it's a mostly baby-led routine (barring the occasional day when we have outside plans)...more on that later.

While I'm on the "keeping sane" note...there were times I thought I was going insane.  I read up on so many schedules that Matthew would get a scowl on his face every time I mentioned the word.  I don't blame him...for a time, I hated the word, too.  Along with things I read up on, I asked almost every mom I knew if they followed a certain one.  General consensus?  Basically everyone said something different...booo.  The advice I got the most when I asked?  Pay attention to his cues & he will develop his own schedule soon.  Again, sooo right.  This very solicited advice came from Matthew's mom & sisters (have I ever mentioned how much I love them?), they are so wise!  So, since not only Abram's pediatrician, but the very experienced mommas of 15 kiddos (Matthew comes from a BIG family) said so, I decided to let Abram decide when he wanted to eat & sleep instead of when I wanted him to eat & sleep.  And slowly, but surely, life started to make more sense.

Around this time, I read an interesting article on the mindset of modern mothers & really appreciated it's perspective.  The article stated that a new trend in parenting is to try to adapt new babies to the parent's desires rather than paying attention to the baby's needs.  I had honestly never thought of schedules in that way before.  Instead of following a schedule, the author suggested coming up with a routine that was based mostly around what the baby dictated he or she needed.  The author said that of course, this routine would have to be tweaked for the occasional appointment or weekend plans, but to try to make each day for your baby as consistent as possible so that they can develop their own normal.  In most cases when this was done, the baby naturally fell into a very healthy sleeping & eating pattern on their own within about 2 weeks.  The article also stated that when a parent feels that schedule needs to be in place, it's often because the parent(s) have been enabling a bad habit to develop.  For example, it took Abram a while to develop an appropriate bedtime.  When he was a newborn, instead of putting him in his crib once it was dark out, I let him fall asleep on the couch next to me so I could hang out with Matt downstairs & veg out.  Even though he was sleeping, I should have placed him in his crib so he learned to fall asleep earlier for the night.  Because it was convenient for me (& I like watching his cute little self sleep :) I wouldn't put him in his crib for the night until when I was going to bed.  Starting around when Abram was 3 months old, I would put him to bed for the night around 9:30 (with a dream feeding that he woke up for on his own around 3:00 AM) & a wake-for-the-day feeding (when he woke up on his own) around 9:30 AM.  This was wonderful, except for the fact that because Abram woke up for the day so late in the morning, his nap routine was so off.  He was an excellent napper until he was around 3 months old & I let this pattern develop just because I wanted to sleep in.  It took about 2 months to break this habit & ease into an appropriate nap routine...not cool, because at that time, the project I was on with work required me to get 20 hours of work-from-home log time per week.  Because I was so exhausted in the morning & he went to bed late, I depended on Abram's almost non-existent naps to get my work done.  It was a super challenging time, especially because Matthew was in the middle of coaching b-ball, so I couldn't always depend on his help after he got home from school.  Not that Matthew wasn't a huge help...he really was (I have no clue how single parents do it).  But will we time another child to be born right at the beginning of b-ball season?  No way!  Looking back, if we were able to have children like the average couple, Abram would have been born in February of 2010, not 10 whole months later.  But God had other plans, which in the end, was exactly the way things were supposed to be.  While Matthew was with us almost full time for the first 10 days of Abram's life (& with us again for the 2 weeks he had off for Christmas after only 1 week back at teaching), he only took a few days off from coaching (which I was completely fine with since he would only be gone for a few hours everyday & we had his mom or my mom stay at our house for the first 2 weeks of Abram's life...loved that  :)  I really appreciated their help since my midwife only wanted me climbing the stairs in our house a max of twice per day after my surgery (another huge reason why we will try for a VBAC for the next one, for sure).  While I always had a big bin of things I needed for the day that I climbed the stairs with (once in the morning & once in the evening), I usually forgot something that Matthew's mom or my mom would have to go & fetch for me.

So anyway...back to my original post...

Suddenly, when Abram was 5 months old, I finally decided to cave & let Abram do his thing...and I found that...he nursed when he wanted to nurse, he slept when he wanted to sleep, & magically, he started to sleep longer!


Instead of feeding him every 3 hours (like most things I read suggested) & trying to get him to sleep around his eating "schedule", I started to let him eat when he wanted (which at first, stretched into 4-5 hours between feedings).  I don't know why I started doing the every 3 hour thing.  Until he was 2 months old, I nursed him on demand to keep my supply up.  When he was about 12 weeks old, I started feeding him every 3 hours (during the day) & on demand at night (I always feed him on demand once it was dark out & never woke him to eat).  I think I thought if I let him go longer than 3 hours between feedings during the day that he would starve, which is completely irrational because babies are self regulating.  It is physically impossible for them to eat more/more often than they need (until they get to be about 6 months old & may not need night feedings anymore...Abram dropped his night feeding at 5 months old).  How often he wants to eat has waxed & waned since then...for example, right when A.B. turned 6 months old he nursed for anywhere from 15-45 min. depending on the day & time, five times per day, plus 2 solid meals of .5-1 tablespoon of organic, homemade fruits or veggies.  I thought that was a lot until he hit 7 months....now he's nursing up to 6 times per day (the length of time he nurses has not changed) AND eating at least a whole pound of organic, homemade fruits & veggies everyday.  He's totally making up for the fact that he only gained half a pound between his 4 to 6 month well baby visits.

He has always slept wonderfully at night...I mean, the kiddo has been a dream at night from day 1.  With the exception of 2 nights since he's been born, little man has been awake for no more than the time it takes to feed him & then he's back out.  This has most to do with the awesomeness that is swaddling.  I started swaddling him at 3 weeks old, hoping that his night feedings would stretch from 4 hours between feedings to 5 hours & it worked right away.  Little boy is extremely sensitive to movement & would always wake himself up with his startle reflex.  Swaddling him with The Miracle Blanket at night & SwaddleMe's for nap times increased his night sleep from 5 hours in a row at 3 weeks old to a gain of a 20 min. increase per week until he sleep for 12 hours in a row at 5 months.  And yes, at almost 8 months old, I still swaddle him.  I hear Dr. Sear's tisk-tisking me right now, but I also hear the American Academy of Pediatrics telling me that some children need to be swaddled until the are 9 months old.  Besides, he always busts his arms of his nap swaddle as soon as I velcro it & at some point during the night, he wiggles completely out of his night swaddle in his sleep...he'll probably completely wean himself off his swaddle in another few weeks.  So, we have always had nighttime taken care of, but daytime was a completely different story.

Until I started following the advice in Dr. Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", Abram sometimes only napped for AN HOUR TOTAL DURING THE WHOLD DAY.  I had read the book before Abram was born, but I spent more time looking for Abram's sleepy "cues" than Abram's time frame.  Dr. Weissbluth states that a baby should be awake for no more than 2 hours before they should be put down for a nap/bedtime.  The more I looked for Abram's cues (rubbing eyes, yawning) the more I tended to miss them.  When he was 3 months old, I started a sleep log like the book suggested.  I put down the times Abram slept as well as how & where he slept.  I kept this up for 1.5 months & then I decided that the stupid log was ruling me & I stopped.  Finally around the time he was 5 months old, I started keeping track of how long Abram was awake & started to put him down for a nap after he had been awake for 1.5 hours & HE STARTED SLEEPING BETTER!!!  It turns out that Abram just didn't display sleepy cues like the average baby until he was about 6 months old.

So instead of a schedule, we have developed a routine.  It has changed in varying degrees since we first started, but here it is...

ROUTINE

We start the day when Abram wakes up & instead of using specific times (like 10:00 or noon) we go by time frames (he is only awake for 1.5-2 hours before he goes back down for a nap, he eats his solid meals in the early afternoon & right before his bedtime nursing...the only exception to the time frame-rather-than-time is bedtime (between 7:00-7:30)

7:00-7:30 AM - Abram wakes up in his crib, I change & nurse in our guest bedroom so we don't wake Daddy

8:00ish - Abram starts to get tired so I do his sleepy time routine (pop in the binky, swaddle him while singing his lullaby, & turn on his crib soother & seahorse)...he busts his arms out of the swaddle right away (the swaddle is a sleepy cue we use so he knows it's time to relax & get ready to sleep) & plays with the few toys (his taggie [Blue Bubbles], his bink, Carl (his plush red crab), teething ring, or rubber ducky) we keep in his crib.  I know, to reduce SIDS, you should have the baby only in his crib, but once a baby is 6 months old, their risk drops dramatically since they can roll & move.  Usually Abram falls asleep within a few minutes of playing while holding his seahorse or his Wubbanub...so cute!

9:00ish - Abram wakes up, I change his diaper & put him in his outfit for the day, & nurse him

11:00ish (or about 2 hours after he has woken up from his 1st nap) - it's 2nd nap time (sleepy time routine again)

12:00-1:00ish...or about 1-2 hours after he fell asleep  - Abram wakes up, I change & nurse him

1:00-2:00ish...we spend 30 min. on a solid meal feeding - 1/2 lb. of FRUIT (we started out doing Baby Led Weaning (BLW), but he was only eating .5 to 1 tablespoon of organic fruits & veggies so we tried pureeing them & he started eating more & napping longer.  I LOVED BLW, but Abram happens to prefer purees to gnawing on actual pieces of fruits or veggies, so we'll try BLW with the next one

2:30-3:30ish (or about 2 hours after he has woken up from his 2nd nap) - it's 3rd nap time (sleepy time routine again)

4:00-5:30ish...or about 1-2 hours after he fell asleep - Abram wakes up, I change & nurse him

5:30ish - 1/2 lb. of VEGGIES (same details as his fruit solids)

6:00ish (on Sun. & Thurs. or any day we go swimming) - bath night

6:15ish (every night) - clean his face, hands, & feet with a washcloth (if it's not bath night), lotion him up, brush hair, dress him in his jam jams while we listen to his Christian Baby CDs, Prayer Time, Bible Time

6:45ish - last nursing of the day

7:00-7:30 - bedtime...swaddle in The Miracle Blanket & sleepy time routine

Anytime Abram is awake he rotates between playing with me or Matt on the couch or bed, going on walks or errands with Matthew, Aslan, & I...playing with his Activity Table, playing in his ExerSaucer, Rocker, Jumper, Pack 'n Play Playard or Swing (thankfully the swing was a 2nd hand purchase by my dad & stepmom...he can only stand about 15 min. max in there before he wants out).

You may have noticed that this routine doesn't allow time for running errands or getting out.  Sometimes Abram just doesn't want to go down for his 3rd nap.  I think this is because he is slowly starting to transition from 3 naps to 2 naps.  Just a few weeks ago, he was napping 4 times per day & he's starting to act like he did when he was transitioning from 4 naps to 3.  So on the occasional day when he doesn't want to take his 3rd nap, we'll go out then & he'll fall asleep in the car.  Most days I just wait until after 7:00 PM to go out (to my Monday night Bible Study or just run errands).  So while I would love to go to Story Time at the Library or go out to a play date (instead of host it), I know that soon enough Abram will only be taking 2 naps everyday & we can schedule those things then  :)  Getting his naps in & having this routine is what is most important for him now & while it may put a hitch in my daily plans, Matthew's gentle reminders from when Abram was little & not napping much pop into my head..."he's just a baby & he's only a baby once, this is what he needs, & we'll have all the time in the world later to do those things."  It's not like I feel like we're missing out on too much...on weekends, we're more lax with the routine.  We go out as a family to get togethers with extended family & friends.  At least once per month Matthew & I have get-togethers with our friends & their kiddos that are scheduled around naps on the weekends.  We've had as many as 2 pack 'n plays set up in rooms with a kid in each...it's pretty funny, but it works for us  :)  And though I work from home part time, we schedule one travel day per week when I take a day off (during the week while Matthew is teaching) so we can travel to visit at a family member's or friend's house for the day.  If there is no pack 'n play where we are, we take ours, so Abram can still stay on some sort of routine.

Abram's sleepy time nap routine usually goes off without a hitch.  When we first started his routine when he was around 5 months old & I when to put him down after being awake for 1.5 hours, he just didn't want to sleep.  Sometimes, Abram would start to hoot after 10-15 minutes of playing in his crib so I would go in, re-swaddle him, turn his seahorse back on, & sing a minute of his lullaby to him before I would leave & try to let him fall asleep on his own again.  If I had to go in a 3rd time, he would usually start to shed some tears when I would try to leave, so I'd pick him up, put him in our Ergo, & walk around with him until he drifted off (usually within a few minutes).  If we had errands to run, & the Ergo didn't do the trick, little man went in his car seat & he'll took that nap while I ran errands.  Thankfully, it only took about 2 weeks of this practice before he started falling asleep in his own within a few minutes of initially laying him down.

While Matthew & I don't like the fact that occasionally Abram's hoots turn into cries, we always pick him up if tears start to be shed.  Not that there is anything wrong with letting an older baby cry it out if they are fed, changed, & tired (but won't sleep)...Matthew & I decided that crying it out is just not for us.  Most of the time if he starts hooting, he'll distract himself with a toy until he falls asleep.  Routines just take a longer time to develop rather than going straight to a schedule & we're fine with that.  My mom let me cry it out & I know very healthy & happy children whose parents do the same.  If the next baby is a horrible sleeper, then we may revisit where we stand on the issue, but for now, it's just not our thing.

So that's how we do it in the Fohner Household.  Not sure if this helps anyone.  I hope it does.  Even if it doesn't, I have it on record for the next one so when I feel like I'm going insane again I can remember I wrote this & that future Fohner babies will eventually fall into their own routine  :)

Christmas in July

So I was looking at some old pics of A.B. the other day...

& it got me thinking...

there will never be another Christmas like this past one...

even if we have any future babes around that time of the year...

this past Christmas was absolutely magical....

we went from being a family of 2...

to a family of 3...

Matthew & I spent 1 Christmas as best friends...

the next 2 as a dating couple...

& the following 5 as a married pair....

before this little munchkin joined us....

on the 9th of December...

just in time for the celebration of our 9th Christmas together...

sorry for the pause...

I just lost myself for a second looking at those lips...

anyway...

here's to celebrating holidays...

like Christmas in July  :)

The Many Faces of Abram Brian...

poochy face

 distracted face

 giggly face

 kissy face

 we call this one "smirker"...it's one of his favorites

are-you-looking-at-me face 

tired face 

 cheeky face

 poopy face

still-working-on-it face 

thinker face 

drooly face 

another distracted face (go figure with a 7 month old) 

yawn face 

everything-goes-in-my-mouth face

I love his face  :)

Noooo!!!

I posted this on Facebook the other week, but had to add it here, too.

At Abram's 6 Month Well Baby Check Up, the nurse asked me if Abram responds to his name.  I said he sort of responds to anything.

Unfortunately, the other week, Matthew & I found that not to be exactly true...

I Really Miss...

being pregnant  :(

I absolutely LOVE being a mommy & want to make sure Abram gets his individual-loving baby time in,

but...

it only took about 5.5 months after having him to want another.

I miss how beautiful I felt (I feel great being a mommy, but miss that special glow),

I miss feeling the movements & kicks & punches I felt,

I miss not having one, single zit for 9 months,

I miss the anticipation & excitement.

I wish this whole process was easier.

I wish it could just happen.

I wish I didn't have to wean my little guy before we're ready & then wait 3 more months.

And then have 2 months of hormones & treatments & interventions & injections after that.

But I'm thankful that we can start the process whenever we feel like we're ready

& that we have 4 little embryos waiting for us

& that we already have little man.

Because for a lot of people that have to do what we have to do to have kids,

they aren't able to have a baby with their first cycle...

let alone get 4 others.

So while I'm so excited for whenever we feel prepared for the next one,

I'm treasuring this time with our little guy

& all the joy he has brought to our lives.

And we'll see as we go along,

with a lot of prayer & thought,

when he's ready to nurse less

& we're ready & strong enough to do this again.

Abram Just Wanted to Say...

skldhg;fdopghjdfosgkln

Haha...no, really (if he had the dexterity to type anything other that the gibberish that shows up when I let him have at it at the keyboard) he would say (using just as many ellipses as his mother, of course)...

Daddy,

I love you...

& I hope

I can be just as awesome of a

Godly husband

& Daddy

as you have been to Mommy & me

(if Mommy ever lets me move out to get married,

because in a few years

I'll say I want to marry her

just like all little boys want to

until they realize that their Daddy is married to their Mommy

and that marrying your mommy is really gross

& that that will be the last thing on my mind when I'm a teenager).

Sorry, Daddy...

I got sidetracked.

I mean, that happens, right?

Because, it's not like I am Mommy's son.

Anyway, Daddy...

you're pretty much the coolest.

Mommy wanted me to tell you that

she loves watching us together.

And though you didn't see it tonight,

Mommy started crying while you were reading us the Bible Story tonight

because she knows she couldn't have asked for

a better earthly father for her children

& she loves us so much.

Okay, Daddy....

it's time for me to eat again (surprise, surprise)

so I'm gonna go hang out with Mommy

since you don't have the goods to feed me, hehe.

But,

I love you...

I always will,

even when I'm older

& am trying to be more independent...

I will always need you

& I'm so thankful you have & always will

be there for Mommy & me.

Love you lots,

Abram Brian

How He Got Here...

So I've been meaning to post this for a while now.  Time escapes me so easily these days, plus I've slowly been working on this looong post for weeks.  Little boy is 6 months old TODAY so it's about time I get his birth story up!  I figured I need to actually get this written down so I don't forget all the details (there are a lot of them, as you can see), so here it is...how the little guy arrived & rocked our world...

2:30 AM Wednesday, December 8th, 2010 (42 Weeks Pregnant...2 whole weeks overdue)
I wake up in the middle of a contraction.  I had been in active labor (dilated 4 cm.) for just about 12 hours (after my last midwife appointment the previous afternoon), but since the contractions weren't consistent or very painful so Matthew & I had gone to bed thinking we'd awaken to the sound of our alarm reminding us to call the hospital to double check on our 7:00 AM induction appointment.  Right before we fell asleep we prayed that the baby would come on his/her own since we really wanted a Bradley Method Birth and we knew that an induction would be really challenging to go through without medication.

These contractions were different than my Braxton Hicks Contractions that I had been having off and on for the previous 4 months & more painful & purposeful than the contractions I had had starting the previous afternoon.  I clicked on my Contraction App on my iPhone & tried not to get too excited to practice my relaxation techniques we learned in our classes.  Minutes pass & as I'm timing the contractions on my phone, I realize that I've just had 3 contractions in the past 10 min. that are each lasting 30-60 seconds long.  Of course, all the stories from my fast-labor friends about barely making it the hospital in time come rushing through my brain & I start thinking that the 45 min. drive to the hospital seems waaay too long.  I wait another 15 min. before I wake Matthew up just to make sure the pace of the contractions keep up...they do.  I start getting a little wary since some of the contractions are as close as 2 & 1/2 min. apart so I wake up Matthew & phone the midwife on call at around 3:00 AM.  Since I've only noticed this pattern for 30 min. & they like you to have the pattern be for at least an hour, the midwife says to keep timing them & keep her updated.  We get excited that this is probably it & bonus, our favorite midwife is at the hospital today!  My contractions aren't too painful so I tell Matthew it's okay to go back to sleep to get some rest since we know he'll need it to coach me throughout the day.  I relax for another half hour & rest & then decide the last thing I want to happen is for these contractions to taper off so I decide to get some exercise & tidy up the house.  Aslan follows me around while I sweep our whole first floor and basement pausing to rest & breathe through each contraction every few minutes over the next hour.  My contractions are still pacing at the same rate & are starting to get slightly more intense so I head back upstairs & lie down to relax through them.  I cat nap between the next 1.5 hours of contractions until our alarm goes off at 6:00 AM.  We call the hospital to give them an update.  At this point, my contractions are lasting for around 1 min. long & have been 3-5 min. apart for over 3 & 1/2 hours so we pack up the few things that need to be thrown in our hospital bags (said bags have now been sitting in the trunk of Matthew's car for over 1 month).  I'm having a lot of back labor, so Matthew now massages my lower back with each contraction to ease the pressure.

We hit traffic (go figure on Rt. 270 in the morning) so it takes us around an hour to get there.  The car ride is uncomfortable with my contractions so we're relieved to finally get there.  As we pull up on the hospital grounds, it gets pretty surreal as we think about what I wrote about in this post.

We arrive into the waiting room absolutely beaming as we wait to get taken back.  There are 3 other couples waiting, none in active labor like myself, along with a few other people (probably family members of those in Labor & Delivery).  As we wait, I get a few contractions that I need to kneel down to rest over the coffee tables for, while Matthew rubs my lower spine.  We get taken back to our room & I'm checked around 7:30 AM.  We're ecstatic to learn that I'm 5 cm...halfway there!

Only about 18 hours before (at our last midwife appointment) I was 3 cm. & finally felt comfortable enough to have my membranes stripped, which put me at 4 cm. when we left the midwives.  So we were super excited to know that though it took 18 hours, I had dilated another cm. to reach 5 cm.!  We met our awesome nurse (who had 2 Bradley Births herself) who was just as sweet & excited that we're going natural as our midwife was.  Hospital policy is that the baby's heart rate needs to be monitored by an external electronic fetal heart rate monitor while I lie down for the first 30 min. & if all is well after this period, I can walk around, get in the tub, etc. afterwards.  During these 30 minutes the baby's heart rate is looking great & since I'm 5 cm. & have been almost completely effaced for the past few days, no induction drugs are ordered (which was a huge answer to prayer)!

After lying down to be monitored, we find that standing up with me leaning against the wall & Matthew's hand on my lower spine feels the most comfortable, so we walk the horseshoe shaped halls of Shady Grove's L & D Floor, stopping during every contraction to breathe through them in that position.  Every once in a while, our midwife & nurse check on us while we stop back in the room to grab sips of water, gatorade, or chew on some of our labor snacks we brought.

We called our parents on the way in to the hospital to let them know the latest so our phones start buzzing as word spreads to our other family members & friends.  Matthew is pretty good about checking his phone, but I start to ignore mine since my contractions are getting more intense.

Let me just say that for EVERY SINGLE contraction that I have at the hospital Matthew's steady hand is glued to my lower spine massaging it.  He was an amazing coach throughout the entire labor...there is no way I would have made it as long as I did without him...he's pretty much the best  :)

A few hours in at the hospital we're continuing our walking & occasionally stopping in the room so our nurse can listen to the baby's heart rate on the fetoscope.  Things are going really well & as we're talking with our nurse I suddenly find myself sprinting to the trash can just in time to puke.  I'm so thankful it's close by since I really didn't want to have to make someone clean up that grossness from off the floor.  My teeth occasionally chatter & I'm thinking I could be entering into transition so I ask to be checked again.  Getting checked often can increase chances of infection so we only asked the midwife to check me every few hours.  At this check, I'm 7 cm. & in transition, so we're pretty sure that today is the day  :)  Since I'm progressing & wanting to take a break from walking, our midwife gets the tub in our room ready.  The tub feels AWESOME so I spend a few hours in there with the jets & Matthew's hand on my back.  He's a real trooper, grabbing the trash can for me when I need to throw up & giving me sips of my water when I need it.  I try to eat some saltines & bites of the energy bars we packed to keep my energy up, but I seem to puke up everything I take in so I have to take it slow.

The hours are stretching into early afternoon (it's now around 3:00 PM) & I finally get to 8 cm.  At this point, it has taken me a full 24 hours to dilate these last 4 cm...whew!  Since my water hasn't broken yet, but we're wanting to speed things along (since I've now been in active labor [dilated at at least 4 cm.] for 24 hours), we discuss having our midwife break my water.  This can help speed labor along, but can also cause contractions to be more painful, so we weigh our options & decide to go ahead with the procedure.  Hardly anything happens so our midwife checks me again right away to make sure she broke it.  Apparently most of my amniotic fluid is above the baby meaning that breaking my water really doesn't do much to speed the baby along since there's not much of a pressure change  :(  My contractions start to get more intense so Matthew & I walk around the halls again.

At this point, all 4 of our parents & their spouses are at the hospital anxiously texting Matthew for the latest.  The hours are stretching along into the evening & we're starting to wonder how long this will take.  At 6:00 PM, our midwife checks me again & I'm 9.5 cm....wooowhooo!  I head back into the tub (secretly thinking that I'll get to the point where I can't get out & maybe I can have a water birth  :)  My contractions are occasionally double peaking so I'm having to softly hum my way through some of them.  I'm also reciting Philippians 4:13 in my head through the bad ones.  It's inching towards the 7:00 PM shift change so I get out of the tub & walk around the room hoping that I get the urge to push soon so our favorite midwife can be there for the end of my labor before she goes off shift.  Unfortunately the time comes for our midwife & nurse to go, but our nurse sweetly says that this baby needs to come soon since she already wrote down his/her b-day to be today.  Though we're frustrated that we've now been at the hospital for 12 hours (& in active labor with hardly any food for 27 hours), we get inspired by looking at the bassinet & other items prepared for the baby that are now in our room.

We meet our new nurse & say hi to the midwife (not our favorite, but very kind).  This midwife doesn't prefer the fetoscope & since I've been in transition for a few hours now, she would like me to be occasionally monitored with the electronic external monitor.  This would not be a problem except that I have to lie down for this & this position causes me the most pain during contractions.  I grin & bear it & am thankful to be able to bounce on our stability ball that we brought for a bit since that feels slightly better.

Hours pass & our resolve is starting to wear.  All we had to eat during the whole day is a few snacks & we're exhausted.  Matthew's mom thankfully goes to Panera Bread & gets Matthew some dinner that he's able to munch on between my contractions.  I'm still occasionally yakking, so I pass on having any.

It's now 11:00 PM & I'm feeling like something has to be happening so I ask to be checked again.  After 5 hours, I AM STILL AT 9.5 CM.!  We had read in our classes about Natural Alignment Plateau, but we had never heard of it happening only 1/2 a cm. away from being completely dilated.  Half of 1 cm., people!  I mean can you even measure that?  It's so minute of a measurement!  Because of this, our midwife suggested that she try to gently pull that .5 cm. back while I push to see if that would do the trick get me fully dilated & bring the baby down so I can start really pushing.  I didn't have the desire to push yet so I was hesitant, but I figured we could try since the baby's oxygen levels were starting to go down...not good.  At this point, I was wearing an oxygen mask to try & remedy this.  This next step was PAINFUL & I was starting to feel like I was losing control since this maneuvering hurt so much.  Matthew helped me hold my legs while I pushed through 3 contractions this way...it was AWFUL & it didn't work to dilate me that last 1/2 cm.

While I'm pushing, our midwife realizes that though the baby's head is down, his/her nose is between my bellybutton & my hip (the baby's nose is supposed to be facing the mother's spine), which was causing all the lower back pain, as well as causing the baby to not be able to descend past 0 station.  Because the baby is facing the way he/she is, the baby is not descending like he/she should.  At this point, the baby should have turned so that his/her head could put more pressure on that last 1/2 cm. of cervix to push back, therefore allowing me to push with actual results.  We now try all sorts of positions to get the baby to turn.  I had read in one of my books on midwifery that getting on all fours can get a baby to turn, so we try this for a while, as well as other positions.  It appears that nothing is working.

Our midwife suggested giving me the smallest bit of Pitocin to get that 1/2 cm. dilated back since the baby is not turning.  She said she could put me on the smallest dose & probably only 30 min. or so of it would do the trick.  We did the math thinking, okay, that's probably only like 10 contractions...you can do it, Lyns!  So we decided to go with it.  Now the thing about Pitocin is that you need an IV, which I really enjoyed not having up to that point since I was free to move around previously.  Enter in Matthew's most frustrating part of the whole day.  At this point, my contractions were so painful I barely noticed this next bit, but our nurse missed my vein on my hand TWICE & according to hospital policy, had to go get another nurse to stick me.  Matthew said this was terrible to watch, especially because my contractions were getting so bad & he was starting to feel pretty helpless watching me be in pain.  At this point, I had been having hard contractions every 3 minutes (lasting about 1 min. long each) for 21 hours & in transition for the last 8 of those hours.  Third stick with the IV needle was finally the charm.  With Pitocin, I could still walk around, but I would have to drag the IV pole & Pitocin drip monitor around with me & that wasn't fun, though it felt better than lying down...so that was life from 11:00-midnight.  The Pitocin was not fun, especially because the drugs caused my contractions to be more intense...instead of softly humming through my contractions, I was now having to quietly moan through them.

The supposed 30 minutes of Pitocin turned into 1 hour & I was checked again at midnight.  Wouldn't you know it I WAS STILL AT 9.5 CM.!!!  At this point, our midwife sat us down & shared her concerns.  She knew I had been in active labor for 33 hours and not only were we exhausted, my uterus was, too.  She was also concerned because the baby's heart rate was starting to become more irregular.  I had been on oxygen for an hour but despite this, the baby's heart rate was getting more irregular instead of climbing back into the normal ranges.  Our midwife then looked into Matthew & I's eyes & recommended that I have an epidural.  What?  Seriously?  I was 1/2 a cm. away from pushing & she was a natural-delivery-pushing midwife...why would she recommend that?  We had thought it was too late for an epidural.  Doesn't the window of time to get an epidural go once you pass 8 cm.?  She said that she believed that the epidural would be all I would need to relax my body into dilating that last 1/2 cm. as well as relax the baby enough to turn in a position that was possible for a vaginal delivery.  We asked her to leave us alone for a few minutes.  We cried & we prayed.  We didn't understand why this was happening.  We had worked so hard!  As Matthew prayed for us, I realized that I was being prideful & there was no shame in the epidural, especially if that meant the baby would finally turn enough to descend & be delivered vaginally.  Chances are, once I had the epidural, the baby would relax, too, since his/her heart rate was continuing to decline due to my looong active labor & transition.

The average first time mom is in labor for a total of 12-18 hours (counting from 4 cm. dilated until the baby is actually born)...I had been at at least 4 cm. for 33 hours now.  Plus, I had been in early labor for around a week since I had been dilated at 2 cm. from 41 Weeks on.  Active labor is supposed to only last for 3-5 hours (mine lasted 24 hours) while transition is supposed to only last only 30 minutes to 2 hours (mine lasted 10 hours).  Dr.'s like to see you dilate 1 cm. for every hour that you are in active labor, & knowing most labors don't go this way, from the moment we started thinking about who we would see for prenatal care, Matthew & I felt more comfortable going the midwife route since they are so patient in letting women's bodies do their thing (not pushing inductions or meds on their patients).

At this point, I wouldn't say I gave up, but I did give up my hopes & dreams of having a natural delivery.  Matthew & I slowly started to see where things were going.  The doctor on call at the midwifery practice had started to come in and out of our room.  Our midwife kept coming back & forth from other rooms because "other patients were beginning to push"...we could hear chatter in the halls about the women who had been in the waiting room with us at the beginning of the day delivering hours and hours ago (even with being induced).  Something seemed not right & we both felt that the dr.'s presence in and out of our room to check the baby's heart rate on the machine meant we were getting closer & closer to a dreaded c-section.

At 12:30 AM, I leaned over into our nurse's arms while the anesthesiologist gave me the epidural.  He tried to lighten the mood asking me how dilated I was.  "9.5 cm. for the past 6 hours." I stated flatly.  "9.5 cm.!?" he replied back & quickly shuffled out of the room.  You're not supposed to be able to even receive an epidural that late into labor, but at this point it was their way of easing us into the slow realization that this probably was not going to end without surgery.  The reason we finally felt okay about the epidural is that we could see where things were going & we knew it wouldn't be in my system for that long of a time to effect the baby much (one of our biggest fears with epidurals...the lethargic drug can be present in an infant's system for days after birth).  I lost all feeling in my lower part of my body & as our nurse checked with me, she realized I was so numb I couldn't even feel my contractions anymore.  While I was pain-free, I hated it...I wasn't in tune with my body, I couldn't feel anything, & I felt like a failure.  They left us to rest saying they would stand by the machine to watch the baby's heart rate, but we should try to sleep.  Thirty minutes later, they woke me up saying that I had to change positions because the baby's heart rate was getting lower & lower.  They helped me get propped up on all fours, then leaning over the back of my elevated bed, then on either side...nothing helped.  Our midwife checked me again...I was finally at 10 cm., but the baby was still positioned facing my side & I was still at 0 station (hours away from even being able to push since the baby had not descended).  At this point, everything happened pretty fast.  Our midwife was very concerned about the baby's heart rate & the dr. joined her.  All the positions we tried to level out the baby's heart rate weren't getting him/her to turn like they had anticipated & we were running out of time to have him/her safely delivered.  At this point, Matthew & I realized that despite our desires for this baby's birth, his/her safety was our number one priority & the dr. needed to act fast.  The anesthesiologist rushed back in to fiddle with my epidural, I was prepped, & quickly rolled down to the OR.  We were crushed.  Everything was happening so fast that everything that had been outlined on our birth plan just in case a c-section happened seemed to be thrown out the window.  Right before the surgery I asked the dr. to please cut & stitch me so I could try a VBAC for future deliveries.  "Oh, honey, we always do that," she calmly reassured me.  They ushered Matthew in in his scrubs & he held my hand while I felt like my lungs were going to squeeze up my throat.

I closed my eyes & heard..."oh, this baby's a big one."  And Matthew's & I's eyes met as they announced, "it's a boy!"  All we could do was weep.  Our son...we had a son.  Seconds later, we heard his cries & I told Matthew it was okay to go see him, I was fine.  Hearing his sweet baby cry was so surreal...it was hard to imagine we were finally parents & he was finally here.  Matthew walked around the drape & came back a minute later to say that he was so handsome.  He rubbed my hand & we cried with joy.  They put Abram in his arms & he walked him over to me.  I softly whispered to him as Matthew held him by my face...our sweet boy.

I was quickly stitched & cleaned up while Matthew watched the staff monitor Abram.  His oxygen levels went back to normal pretty quickly since he was finally out of me.  Matthew said while he was watching little boy, he made the mistake of looking back at the operating table, catching a peek of "a ton of blood" & the dr. maneuvering my intestines back in my belly...ummm, gross.

Matthew stayed with Abram while I was rolled to recovery.  A few minutes later, the staff brought Abram to me so I could nurse him.  He latched like a pro & after some bonding time together Matthew joined Abram in the nursery for his first bath.

The days that followed in the hospital were magical.  We were absolutely overjoyed to have our family & friends visit & finally meet our little dude.  Some of my fondest memories of that time were the quiet moments with just the three of us...staring at our little boy, watching the snow fall outside our window together, snuggling & bonding.

Though the way he got here was not how we thought he would, we are comforted knowing that he is here & SAFE.  It was very mentally challenging for me thinking about the c-section in the weeks following Abram's birth.  I cried every single day & still get upset about it every once in a while.  We worked so hard & labored so long for things to end the way they did.  The biggest mental hurdle for me to get over is the fact that things went so well until we found out why I had stalled out.  The fact that Abram never turned correctly in a position for a vaginal delivery combined with his heart rate continually descending while I was stuck at 9.5 cm. for 6 hours was what ultimately had labor end the way it did.  Matthew reminds me that we tried everything that our exhaustive research recommended to get that 1/2 cm. pushed back as well as get Abram turned correctly & his heart rate steady.  Realizing this, and that things could have ended very badly (due to Abram's declining heart rate) had the dr. not done a c-section (plus the fact that Abram never turned into the right position to be delivered vaginally) has helped a little.  It doesn't change the fact that I still feel disappointment for the way things went at the end.  But he is here & he is safe...something I will never take for granted.

What is comforting is that I now know that I can get through labor without meds...labor was not even the worst pain I've ever been in, broken bones hurt MUCH worse & with them there is no pause from the pain like there is between contractions while in labor.  And Shady Grove preforms VBACs...so a natural delivery is doable for future Fohner Babies  :)  Though we'll probably have to space out the next one longer than we'd like (to aide with healing), I am so excited to eventually be pregnant again & get my natural VBAC on...especially since it will lead to another cute newborn like this not-so-little 9 lb. 8 oz. at birth...