Loss

I've debated posting this.

Written & re-written this post again and again.

We haven't necessarily wanted to share this with the entire anyone-can-find-this-on-google internet.

But,

then I thought about things we have shared before...

here...and here...and here...and here.

And I thought about other things that aren't easily talked about or shared.

And how beneficial it would be for other couples to know that while things like infertility or miscarriage aren't topics that are readily shared, they are hurts that affect more people than most realize.

It's challenging thinking about the fact that we should have had a picture like this taken on Thursday...

...that was Abram at 6 weeks & 1 day.

On Thursday we were supposed to be 6 weeks & 1 day along with this precious little embryo...

On or around Halloween we were supposed to be taking a picture like this...

But on January 25th, a pregnancy began that wouldn't end the way Abram's did.

About two weeks ago, I suddenly didn't feel pregnant anymore

& when we got the phone call that we'd have to try again, we wept.

Though we weren't very far along, we had so many hopes & dreams for this baby...

we had taken the same pictures we took everyday we entered a new week of my pregnancy,

just like we did with Abram...

we had talked about names, mostly boy names because somehow I knew that this baby was a boy,

just like I did with Abram...

I had found a verse in the book of Timothy that for some reason I kept turning to over & over, making me call this little one Timothy before we even had any sort of confirmation that he was a boy,

just like I did with Abram...

we had truly believed this baby would make it through all the odds stacked against him,

just like we did with Abram.

But, for whatever reason, this baby wasn't meant to join our family this side of Heaven.

But,

everyday gets a little easier.

And,

we can try again.

We have another transfer day set...

And another 3 embryos to choose from.

In the meantime,

please know that we decided to share this in the hope that it may encourage others who have experienced similar battles that they are not alone.

And,

as an encouragement to Matthew & I that this little miracle...

once looked like this...

And,

that Lord willing,

our next precious embryo(s) will, too.

COUSINSFEST 2012

COUSINSFEST 2012

Why in all caps do you ask?

Because it was that awesome.

And despite the fact that our Cali cousins & their spouses weren't able to join us (as well as the youngest cousin of the crew...college girl said she had too much work to do, boo) we had an absolute blast.

A little February beach wiffle ball on VA Beach?  I think so.

P.S. My team won b/c I am the more athletic Fohner  ;)

I put that winky face for Matthew's benefit (to make him think like I was kidding)

{I'm not}

The following were taken by my sidekick, the iPhone, in the car on the way to dinner on the 2nd night of the weekend.  Most of these were taken immediately after I shoved the camera in my subjects faces while waiting for the automatic flash to blind them...

I don't think Scotty was expecting this shot...

nor Derek on this one...

I have THE BEST cousins...don't even try to argue with me on that.

Little Man's Milestones :)

There have been a lot of crazy cool things going on at the Fohner Pad lately.

I mean, this might be my favorite stage yet...

Well, this stage was pretty awesome...

{sigh}

Oh, I LOVED those newborn days...those first 3 weeks when it didn't matter that the largest chunk of sleep I got was 4 hours in a row because we were just so thrilled to have that little one in our lives, his smell, the way he scrunched his legs up to his chest when we picked him up, how easily he would fall asleep nursing before just laying there curled up on me for hours, skin to skin naps, I could go on for hours...

Anyway...

14 months...you are fun!

In the past month, little dude has...

said his first word

"Azzie" of course, it makes sense since that's what he first thought his name was...

taken his first steps

& is now going across the room without falling or stopping in a matter of 2.5 weeks...

become super independent at meals

now he's taking the spoon from my hand, keeping the food on it until it enters his mouth, & handing it back to me to put more food on it.  He's also attempting to "cut" food up with his fork (not successfully yet), but he can stab a piece of food with his fork & bring it to his mouth to eat...it's crazy awesome but kinda of sad at the same time.  I mean, this is my baby boy...I'm not sure if I'm ready to start letting him handle eating all by himself.  And then he's all like, "mom, get outta my face with that utensil, I'll do it!"  I can just hear my mother repeating back my favorite phrase from when I was about 6 months older than Abram, "no, I do it!" over & over.  Yes, he is blossoming into my child.

started making animal sounds on command

what animal?  Take a wild guess...

Yes, I realize that "oh oh" does not sound like "woof woof"

After a night at Mimi & Pap's house while Mommy & Daddy were hanging out with their cousins in VA Beach (it took us 14 months to leave him for the night, but it went super well), we came back to Abram responding to "what does Deacon say?" (their Chesapeake Bay Retriever) with "oh oh".

Since Aslan almost never barks, it was challenging to try to even teach him this.  When we got home from that night away, I would occasionally replace "Deacon" with "Azzie".  Sometimes when we let Aslan out in the backyard to roam around inside the fence, she likes to let the occasional passerby know that this is her yard by letting out a random bark every once in a while.  A few days ago I noticed that when Abram heard this he would say "oh oh".  I'm assuming that when he learns how to pronounce his "w"'s & "f"'s this will turn into "woof woof".  In the meantime it's fun to hear him practice his new skill.  We're working on other animals now, but somebody's too busy looking at his board books & toddling around.

I think the coolest thing to watch is Abram's face when he's learning all this...he gets this look like he just knows he's doing something new & fascinating & he just can't contain his smile.  Like he's thinking, "hey, mom...check this out!  Can you believe I'm doing this?  This rocks!"

With all these fun things, some interesting skills have also developed...ones that make me realize that the Bateman genes are starting to come out.  Abram has become a bit more sure of what he would like at certain points in time.

For example, my dialog sounds like this while Abram's internal dialog is as follows...

Me: Abram, let's go run some errands, buddy!

Abram:  Um, no.  I'd rather play with my truck.

Me:  Come here, bub.

Abram:  I can't hear you & to prove it I'm going to look extra into playing with my truck despite the fact that I wasn't all that interested in it just a few seconds ago.

Me:  I'm gonna get him.

Abram:  Haha, have you seen how fast I crawl?

Me:  Hey, quit wiggling, crazy man.

Abram:  If I keep throwing my head back while attempting to dead fish, this may work.

Me:  Here's your bink...take your bink.  No?  Here's your sippy cup.

Abram:  Bahhh!  Yes, my 180 degree turn worked.  I think I can crawl out the top of this car seat thing.

Me:  Hold still!

Abram:  Hey, this handle would be a great way to act like I'm on the high bar about to do an Olympic dismount if I grip it with both hands.

Me: WHOA!  Hang tight, bub.  Just let me get the straps snapped...

Abram:  This isn't working...flail, flail.  Yes, yes, now she can't get my arms in, it's working.

Me:  Let me see that arm...I'm gonna eat them fingers, give 'em, give 'em.

Abram:  Here's they are, don't eat them, that tickles!  Hey!  Darn, that works every time.  Okay, start to buck again, then she can't tighten the straps.

Me:  Abram Brian, look at Mommy.

Abram:  One...last...buck...should...do...it...grrr...

Me:  Oh my goodness do you feel that wind blowing (while I blow on Abram's face).

Abram:  Ahh, I love it...do it again, do it again!  Seriously?  She tricked me again.

Me:  Annnddd done...ready to go?

This time frame leading up to those "terrible two's" is going to be fun...I can just see it now  ;)

aaand we have steps :)

He "officially" took his first steps three days shy of his 14 month b-day (my little take-my-time boy :) in front of BOTH Matthew & I!!!  This video was taken on the day he turned 14 months.  That was the first occasion he actually put on the show for me when I was ready to film it.  I would stand him up in the center of a room with my phone all ready for filming & of course he would decide that he would rather crawl...go figure  ;)

It's only taken 1.5 weeks to go from his first 2 steps to going halfway across the room.  Little man is on the move & it's adorable to watch him learn new things!

Stomach Bugs & Things I Never Thought I'd Be Able to Do

this...

is how we Fohner's have been feeling in the past 3 weeks.

Matthew was spared the stomach bug (praise God), but poor A.B. & I had it baaad.

I lost 5 pounds in a week due to having absolutely no appetite for a full seven days (all I managed to keep down was a few crackers or a random piece of bread everyday).  It got me down to what I weighed when Matthew & I got married 6.5 years ago, but it was not they way I envisioned dropping those last few lbs.  I didn't throw up as much as poor Abram but I still felt awful all week.  I have never felt so thankful for not having morning sickness while I was pregnant with Abram & I hope I never get it with any subsequent pregnancies.  Is that what morning sickness feels like...having no appetite?  Knowing you need to eat but having no desire & feeling like you're going to yak any second when you even think about food?  Oh please, Lord, no morning sickness!  Oh, I felt terrible.  I have only had colds since I was in middle school so I had forgotten what truly being sick felt like.

Speaking of getting sick, I DO NOT handle vomit well.  Aslan has a bad habit of chomping on grass every once in a while so occasionally she throws up...& I cannot handle it.  Even if she does it in the morning while Matthew's at school (I know this is not sanitary but) I just don't go near it so Matthew can clean it up when he gets home.  If I happen to see it or hear her dry heaving I run in the other direction {shudder} or I will get sick, too.

But a small miracle happened in the past few weeks.  I was actually able to clean it up.  I mean, I had to.  When your child vomits in their crib & they nap twice a day you have no choice.  Oh, & it was sad.  I laid him down on Saturday for his morning nap & he promptly rolled over on his hands & knees, threw up, & proceeded to fall into it.  It was so sad that I got over myself real quick, plucked him out of his mess, & got to cleaning him up & loving on him pronto.  Poor boy.  I know I keep saying that but really, poor boy.

It's been 3 days since either of us threw up & I sure hope that stomach bug is clear out of our house by now b/c that was no fun at all.  But we survived with snuggles & Netflix & Pedialyte.

Here's to a healthy house soon!

It's A New Year...

From this day in 2010...

{side note...this 3 week old newborn thankfully did not pull an all-nighter on New Year's Eve last year (or ever, Praise the Lord)}

to this day in 2011...

from our home to yours...

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!

May this new year be your best yet...

we Fohner's are super excited for what this year brings for our family...

& we hope your's will be as blessed ours looks like it will be  :)

Merry Christmas 2011...& what a year it's been!

Last year, Christmas came a little early...

16 days early, to be exact...

at 1:52 AM on that day, Matthew & I received our favorite gift to date...

and at a time so early I can't even remember...

on Christmas Day of last year...

I awoke to the soft cries of a hungry newborn...

and as we snuggled while he got his early breakfast...

I could not think of a better way to be woken up.

and this year on Christmas Day...

I again woke to cries that were a tad louder than last year...

and was greeted by a smiley one year old so happy to see me that he was bouncing in his crib like he does every morning...

and here I thought that Christmas couldn't get any better than last year's  :)

This year I'm thankful again for the Lord's promises...

I'm thankful for our health...

I'm thankful for our little embryos waiting for us at Shady Grove...

and Lord willing, that He allows one of those to join our family by next Christmas  :)

“'The days are coming,' declares the Lord, 
   'when I will raise up for David a righteous Branch, 
a King who will reign wisely 
   and do what is just and right in the land. 
In his days Judah will be saved 
   and Israel will live in safety. 
This is the name by which he will be called: 
   The Lord Our Righteous Savior.'"

-Jeremiah 23:5-6

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!

Somebody's ONE!

Five days before A.B.'s big day we threw a shindig for little dude.  We squeezed in most of the following on 2 out of 3 floors of our house...

Abram's great grandparents...

our four parents & their spouses/fiance...

all five of our siblings & their spouses/girlfriend...

all ten of our nephews & nieces...

all twelve girls (& their families) from my Bible Study...

& a few other of our closest friends

{whew}

needless to say it was a packed house,

but a very fun one  :)

Abram looks like his father here, no?

these are what Abram has in his hands for most of the day, every single day.  I mean, I have to hide these suckers from him so he can actually use his hands.  He even crawls with them...cracks me up. 

one of Abram's gifts from his great grandparents, a beautiful antique wooden rider with a chrome plate from my grandfather's motorcycle store

opening his rider that Mimi (my mom) & Paps got for him...I'll post a hilarious video of Abram's favorite thing to do with his rider (hopefully in the next few days)

what we gave Abram.  For now he loves holding the blocks in his hands while he crawls, just like his rings...silly kid

this boy LOVES to read

 speaking of what Abram loves, Gianna (Matthew's Goddaughter) is definitely on that list.  I'm not going to lie, I would not be opposed to a future union of these two...my grandbabies would be absolutely gorgeous (Gianna is b-e-a-utiful & A.B., well, you know, handsomest dude ever [besides his father, of course])

 yup, I was crying here

 & here, on the rocking horse that my dad & Cindy made from materials from the house they're building

with his cake (a giant cupcake) I made for him to go to town on.  He was all gentleman-like & didn't get near as messy as I thought he would.  There's plenty of time for me to teach him to get all dirty in the future (among other boyish things).  Since I was constantly outside on some practice field or playing football with the boys at recess through middle school, between my tomboy self & Matthew, little boy will have plenty of opportunities :)

here are the pics I take each month that I post about here

Abram's photo book containing all his ultrasounds, my weekly pregnancy pics, our maternity shoot, newborn photo shoot, A.B.'s monthly pics, & pics Matthew has taken of little boy since he's been born 

after most everyone had pieced out, little dude had his cake & ate it, too (he actually liked the organic icing...it was sa-weet!)

It was a beyond fun day.

We feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful, memorable, & healthy first year with Abram.  We never want to take for granted any moment we have had with sweet boy.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of being Abram's earthly parents...we feel so honored that You chose to give him to us!

First Haircut

Question of the Day

You know it's time for your son's first haircut when...

a) half of it goes under his shirt while the other half spills over his collar

b) no stranger has said "what a beautiful girl" yet but you're beginning to tread water into his-hair-is-long-enough-to-make-him-look-like-a-girl territory (ironically some people see his blue eyes [despite the fact he's always dressed like a boy or in blue...I'm very purposeful in how I dress little dude] & say "he's too pretty to be a boy".  I'm sorry, but what does that even mean?  If someone can tell me a response back to this, I'll gladly take it.  I don't even know what you say to that?)  Anywho...

c) his hair is doing the awkward I-can't-decide-if-I-want-to-start-to-curl-on-the-ends-or-get-weird-kinks

d) see pic directly below

e) all of the above

If you guessed "e", congrats!

{sorry no prize for you except knowing you're awesome}

So the day before Abram's 1st Birthday Party (saved for a coming-to-you-soon post) I grabbed my rarely used & therefore super sharp sewing scissors, stripped him down to his diaper, & sat little boy on my lap in our big tub...

can we just press pause for a second to look at that line of drool from his lip to mid-upper arm...me boy is a serious drooler

I wet little dude's head down with a spray bottle of water just like my parents used to do when they cut mine & my brother's hair...

shed some tears...

okay, a lot of tears...

mine, not Abram's thankfully.

Meanwhile, Matthew was staring at me like I was on crazy pills.

This whole cutting hair process took like half an hour...

seriously

it was really hard to actually bring myself to cut his hair.

I mean, this was his first haircut...

FIRST HAIRCUT.

Can you tell I'm a first time mom?

My baby,

who had still been growing inside me not even 12 months before this day,

was about to have the hair that had been sprouting on his sweet not-so-little-Bateman-inherited-noggin since he was a wee one inside me belly CHOPPED OFF.

{I'm about to cry again just thinking about it...silly mom hormones}

I digress...

Abram was a champ & I didn't do too shabby of a job.  Matthew & I took turns holding him so I could get the sides & back (his front didn't need a trim).

We loaded up the clippings in a plastic baggie (not the cutest way to save his first sheared locks), but hey, it works.

And we saved some $ by having me do it here at home...

as well as my sanity since I'm pretty sure I would have cried like a baby at the salon & probably tried to yank the scissors out of a poor beautician's hand at the last second anyway.

That's all for now...FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY POST COMING NEXT  :)

de-cluttering

this...

is what de-cluttering your walk-in closet & dresser looks like after over 6 years of living in the same house (the women who shop at Frederick's Goodwill are totally going to score in the next week)...

especially when said walk-in closet is the size of a master bath...

because your husband has his own walk-in closet...

& he lets you use all the drawers in the dresser...

did I mention he's awesome?

well, he is...

especially because he took me on an all day surprise road trip back to our old stomping grounds & favorite places to go when we were dating while his mom watched the kiddo...

but that's for another blog post  :)

did I mention that Matt's mom is awesome?

10 hours with an 11 month old is super fun, but can be exhausting even if said 11 month old is charming & takes good naps

anywho...

I guess this makes me a kind-of hoarder?

{shudder}

I'm getting better.

Look out Fohner kitchen & basement...

I'm coming at you next!

muwahahaha  :)

A.B.: Year One

Birthday

12/09/10

9 lb. 8 oz.

21.5 in.

1 Month

01/09/11

11 lb. 4 oz.

23.5 in. 

2 Months

02/09/11

13 lb. 9 oz.

24.25 in. 

3 Months

03/09/11

25.5 in.

4 Months

04/09/11

15 lb. 5 oz.

26.25 in.

5 Months
05/09/11
 27 in.

6 Months
06/09/11
15 lb., 12 oz.
27.75 in.

7 Months

07/09/11

28 in.

8 Months

08/09/11

28.25 in.

9 Months

09/09/11

16 lb., 5 oz.

29 in.

10 Months

10/09/11

29.25 in.

11 Months

11/09/11

29.5 in.